


In From The Cold

by critterlady



Series: Tamara Souls [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Friendship, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soulmates, Tamara (OFC), Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 16:06:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4355462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/critterlady/pseuds/critterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tamara meets a new soulmate. Old friends are reunited.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The nights were turning colder as summer ended and the man living in the fire damaged building knew he needed to find better shelter. He could hear the kids on the corner as they talked to each other and more than once, he heard a door slam as one of the kids went inside. The last several nights he'd been restless and he had prowled the neighborhood, stopping to check on the elderly people who lived in the rundown apartments. After the weeks he'd been in the area, the local people had started talking to him on occasion and they knew he had memory problems. However, he was young and healthy so he fixed things for the elderly and the single moms and in return, they brought him food and clothing and one even brought him a newspaper everyday.

One of the girls had offered to help him get a place in her building but he had refused. From the room he had staked out, he could see the tall building near the park and it bothered him to be out of sight of it for very long. He'd told them his first name and that he’d been a soldier, all of it the truth. What he left out was how long it had been since he'd been a real soldier. Sometimes he'd slip and mention the man on the bridge, the one who knew him before, and he would be offered help to find him but he always refused. He knew he wasn't ready to face him yet but he hoped that one day he could, that he could be like he used to be.

A pair of cars came speeding around the corner, a man hanging out the window of one and James broke into a run seeing the children playing on the steps as the sounds of gunfire filled the air. When the gunfire stopped, an elderly woman came running from the building across the street to where he was slumped protectively over one of the kids. James could feel the fire burning in his shoulder and he knew that at least one bullet had hit him but the child he had tried to protect was not hurt. He stumbled from exhaustion as he started down the steps and frail hands wrapped around his wrist as one of the men steadied him.

“You must see a doctor James.”

“No”

James went back to his shelter and watched as the adults spoke to police about the shooting but no one mentioned him, not even the children. When the police left, one of the tenants, a retired nurse, came over with a small bag and a cooler. She held the cooler in front of him, tempting him with the smell of spaghetti until he nodded. He pulled his shirt off to expose his shoulder and ate as she cleaned the bullet wound and bandaged it.

“James, when did you get a new soulmark? This wasn't here a few weeks ago.”

“Don’t know”. He knew about soulmarks, they had existed for hundreds of years; when he'd just been The Asset, the only soulmark he'd had were the words of a child ‘Thanks, I’m Steve’. His handlers had talked about him as if he were a machine and not a person and when that soulmark faded, he began to believe he wasn't a person anymore. Then he’d been assigned to terminate the man on the bridge and he'd felt the itch of a new soulmark forming on his leg; he knew who it belonged to but he wasn't ready to face him, not until he was whole again. He studied the writing on the inside of his right forearm. ‘I will stand by you, I will help you through, When you've done all you can do’

“That’s not much to go on and you may be in for a long wait.”

“Doesn't matter” James replied calmly but inside, his thoughts were in turmoil. This made the second soulmark he'd received since becoming The Asset. After the first appeared, he didn’t return to his handlers for storage; he'd been reprogrammed instead and he forgot about the mark as his mind was torn apart, only recalling it as he punched the man in the face repeatedly as they fought hundreds of feet in the air. When the man refused to fight, other memories of times with him began to emerge and he had stopped in shock, then watched as the target had fallen into the river below. Confused and uncertain, he had been unwilling to lose the little humanity he had so he had dived in after the man and pulled him from the river. But his training and programming to remain out of sight began to reassert itself so he fled the scene. He made his way to a nearby safe house and was surprised to find it abandoned. Alone and not knowing what his orders were, he had gathered weapons and supplies from a cache that could only be opened with a special code he had memorized. Then he fled the city mindlessly, finally ending up in New York City.

That was several months earlier and since then he had seen the man from the bridge several times from a distance but he never got close. Instead he watched him and studied him and his companions, recognizing them from the newspapers he was provided. Anytime he saw the red-haired woman, he would quickly leave after realizing she always seemed to know when he was around and watching them. Some days, he would sit in the park where he could see the doors of the building and he was impressed with the apparent security.

Just a few blocks away, in Stark tower, Tamara and Steve had fixed supper and they were bringing the trays of lasagna to the table when Tamara screamed and fell, striking her head against the table before hitting the ground. Steve had dropped the pans he was carrying in a desperate attempt to grab her and failed. When Tony came through the doorway, Steve had Tamara cradled in his arms, trying to wake her up. JARVIS had the elevator waiting for them by the time Steve had regained his feet and Tony joined him in the elevator as JARVIS notified Thor and Loki who met them in the medical labs. Most of them were still uncomfortable around Loki but they had seen Tamara’s soulmark and knew that Thor and Loki bore matching marks so he was tolerated but only because of his connection with Tamara.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know, she just screamed and fell down. I tried to catch her but she hit the table when she fell.” Steve laid her down carefully on the bed and stepped back to allow Loki closer.

Loki could find no injury with his magic that would explain her collapse but that fact did give him a possible idea as to the cause. “Find out where the others are now, I find no injury on her, perhaps the injury is to a soulmate.”

JARVIS quickly contacted the others within the tower and confirmed that none of them were injured. Clint and Tasha were returning from a mission so he had to contact Director Fury but a few minutes later, Clint’s voice came over the speakers asking what was going on. Steve quickly confirmed that they weren't injured and then JARVIS took over explaining what had happened to Tamara.

Once they were sure she wasn't injured, Steve picked her up and carried her back up to the common floor while Tony ordered Chinese for supper to replace the ruined lasagna. Tamara slept for almost 2 hours before she began to move around. She was naturally confused to find herself in the media room, propped up beside Steve. Bruce was the first to notice she was waking and he went to the kitchen to heat up her food.

“What happened?”

“We were hoping you could tell us. What do you remember?”

“The lasagna, then pain in my right shoulder like I'd been shot or stabbed or something.”

“Loki thinks one of your soulmates was injured. All I know is you screamed and dropped the lasagna, you hit the table when you fell. How do you feel now?”

“It still hurts but nowhere near as bad. If you weren't here, I'd almost think you'd been shot or something. What about Clint and Tasha?”

“They're both safe, we already spoke to them.”

Tamara ate her supper quietly as her thoughts wandered and she thought about the pain she had felt and she wondered when she would find this soulmate. After supper, she needed to unwind so she decided to go for a swim in the large pool several levels down. She went down alone but when she came out of the locker room in her bathing suit, she wasn't surprised to see Steve waiting for her in a pair of swim trunks. Knowing he was there because he was concerned about her, she just nodded and dove off the board into the deep end of the pool. Steve sat in a chair and watched her swim but made no move to join her until she finally swam to the edge of the pool.

“You know, you can play guard dog much better if you’re down here with me.” She slapped the water and splashed him, then ducked under the water and swam away. She felt the ripples when he dived in after her and she flipped over to see him coming after her. 

For the next few minutes, she tried to keep out of reach until he succeeded in grabbing her and hoisted her out of the water with a grin. “You're gonna look like a prune if you stay in much longer.”

Tamara laughed, glad to see his concern for her safety had returned to normal. “It’s OK, I'm done now anyways.”

The water in the pool had uncovered his soulmark and Tamara noticed something looked off about it when he climbed from the pool. She stepped closer and he looked down, just now noticing the change as well. Partially obscured by the waist of his swim trunks, he could see where he had new words in a sloppy cramped handwriting. “Can you read it?”

“The writing is horrible and it’s not very clear. I’ve never seen one that looked like this. JARVIS, can you get a clear image and send it to Steve’s tablet but don't tell Tony about it. Also see if you can find out anything about faded soulmarks.”

“The image has been saved, congratulations Captain.”

Tamara and Steve didn't bother to shower, they just went back up to their shared floor where they both grabbed some juice and a snack before turning in for the night. Neither one slept well but Steve woke up far earlier than usual and headed for the gym. A short time later, the door opened and Tamara slipped in to join him.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“About what?”

“You haven't been sleeping well since you found out about your friend. It’s not your fault, you didn't know he survived.”

“I didn't even try to find his body, I just left him there. He was my best friend and I abandoned him. If I had gone back, Hydra never would have gotten him.”

“Are you having any luck finding him?”

Steve sighed, “No, every time I think we're close, we're too late. We keep getting to Hydra safe-houses after someone else has destroyed them. I haven’t found anything useful anywhere but I know he’s out there.”

“Let’s go out to the park, JARVIS said it’s supposed to be nice today. We could pack a picnic or something.”

Steve laughed, he remembered the last time they'd tried a picnic lunch. Tamara had noticed some homeless people and they ended up giving everything to them. “Tell ya what, let’s just take our art supplies and do some sketching, maybe it will take my mind off Bucky.”

“After breakfast then? I want to go for a run first.”

Steve followed Tamara to the elevator where they met Clint and Sam for a run. Tamara liked Sam, he wasn't a soulmate but she trusted him to stand by them. It helped that he had met Bucky and was still helping Steve look for him, even after knowing how dangerous a man he was. Tasha was off chasing down leads at SHIELD headquarters but she was due back by lunch.

They headed north up Central Park West, keeping the pace nice and steady. They were predictable and children waved to them as they ran around the park. Steve could have easily left the others behind but he preferred to have company, especially lately, so he stayed with them as they ran. They returned to the tower and everyone headed upstairs to the cafe for breakfast. Sam no longer paid attention to the amount of food anyone put away as he ate his own breakfast. When they finished, Tamara and Steve went back to their floor and gathered art supplies while Clint and Sam went to the gym.

Tamara had her things together first and she didn't feel like waiting for Steve so she went ahead back to the cafe and grabbed a cooler of drinks and snacks. By the time she returned to the lobby, Steve was waiting with his own backpack of supplies and a blanket. She traded the cooler for the blanket and the two of them headed outside into the sun with Toi following them.

Tamara found a nice spot in the open near Belvedere Castle and she spread out the blanket just for Toi to claim a spot. She just dropped her bag of art supplies and stretched out on her back, staring up at the clouds that drifted overhead. After a few seconds, Steve settled down beside her and took out his supplies and started sketching. The soft sounds of his pencil brushing over paper distracted her and Tamara drifted off to sleep. When she awoke, Steve was not around but she could see a couple of SI security guards nearby. One tipped his head in recognition and nodded towards the castle. Tamara stretched, then headed for the castle to look for Steve.

On the way, she bumped into a man standing in the shadows, a hood pulled up over his face. He hissed in pain when his shoulder made contact with the wall and she stopped, then turned back around. The man had a haunted look in his blue eyes and he was dirty and scruffy, but something about him seemed almost familiar. Steve called out to her from the steps where he was talking with Tasha and the man disappeared suddenly.

As Tamara joined Steve and Tasha on the steps, the feeling she was being watched began to bug her and she fidgeted nervously. She noticed that Steve and Tasha were both trying hard not to actively look around and she began to believe that they were being watched, the questions was, by whom? Anxious to return to the safety of the tower, she started back down the steps and she was relieved to see that Steve and Tasha followed her.


	2. Chapter 2

That night was a scheduled team-building exercise and it was Tamara’s turn to pick so she gave everyone a choice. It was no surprise to her when the votes tipped in favor of karaoke since they could drink while at the club versus going to a country club for line dancing. Tamara was still too young to drink but she actually enjoyed singing and had no problem performing for her friends. And unlike Tony and Thor, she didn’t sound half bad either, at least no one offered to pay her just to shut up.

They never went to the same club twice in a row for security reasons and Tony had tried to talk her into just letting him rent a room but she actually enjoyed singing in front of strangers. She also thought it was nice for people to see that their heroes did normal things so the agreement was that everyone did 1 public song and then in the private room they could goof off and and drink. JARVIS would shuffle the list of clubs, excluding the last four visited, then she chose a random number to determine which club from the list they would visit. Everyone but her could see the order of the clubs on the list so they knew where they were going but she didn’t until they got close and she liked the uncertainty it provided. This time, the location was going to be KaraokeDuet 53 so that meant she could order food from Steak and Shake on the same block. Plus, there were plenty of other places nearby that delivered so everyone could eat what they wanted.

Tamara couldn’t shake the feeling they were being watched as they left the tower that night in the limo. When they arrived at the club, Happy parked the limo as they entered the club, then he followed them a few minutes later with another security guard. The club was dim compared to outside but they quickly adjusted to the lighting. Tony was recognized immediately and they were shown to a table near the front while they waited for a room. The staff were familiar with them and drinks were provided along with a pitcher of juice that Tamara preferred. Several people were already signed up to sing but Tamara went ahead and added her name to the list. JARVIS had placed their usual orders and in just a few minutes, the deliveries began to arrive. Tamara enjoyed her thick burger and fries and was sipping her milkshake when it was her turn to sing.

She chose “Find out who your friends are” to start the night and finished only slightly out of breath. Several other people performed but then Tamara took another turn. By then, Clint and Tasha were willing to have their turn. Bruce didn’t drink but he preferred to get his turn over with quickly so he went next. Loki was quite the diva and he enjoyed singing with Tamara, something which didn’t surprise Thor but did the others the first time he performed. Steve usually sang something old-fashioned and Tony preferred to sing heavy metal. They were notified the private room was ready but Tamara had signed up for one more public song so she decided to hang back as the others got comfortable. She knew Tony had security in the room so she wasn’t concerned about her safety.

Making her way to the stage, she tried to decide what song to sing next. She noticed a man seated alone in the corner, shoulders hunched and a hood pulled over his head as though he was protecting himself from something. He looked so lost and alone that she decided she wanted to sing something that always made her feel better so she selected “I Won’t Let Go” by Rascall Flatts. She was partway through the song when she noticed that the lone man was watching her more closely so she moved to that side of the stage and sang directly to him. “I will stand by you, I will help you through, When you’ve done all you can do”. She was surprised when he shoved away from the table and walked off but she continued to sing and finished the song.

It was hot inside and she headed for the bathroom to splash her face with water before going to join the others but she was stopped by a couple of drunks. She tried to slip past them but one pushed her against the wall and tried to get too friendly. Before she could react, they were both shoved away from her. She looked up in surprise to see the man she had been singing to earlier. Now that she could see him closer she recognized him as the man from the park that morning. She didn’t get a chance to thank him when one of the drunks swung at him and hit his shoulder. He couldn’t hide a wince but he turned around and swung at the drunk, connecting with a solid blow that knocked him flat. The other drunk took one look at his friend out cold and fled; the dark haired man grabbed the drunk by the collar and started to leave.

“Wait” He didn’t answer but he did stop. She reached out to him and he let her hand rest on the back of his shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Tell him I took the stupid with me”. With that statement, he dragged the drunk off and left her standing there in surprise.

She forgot all about how hot she was and took off after the man, determined to find him before he left the building. Before she could get very far, she ran into Sam who had come to find her. “Whoa, take it easy kid, what’s the hurry?”

“Soulmate, maybe, he said my words.”

“Here? OK what’s he wearing?”

“Jeans and a dark gray hooded shirt. He had a dark baseball cap, dark hair, beard. Sam, I think he’s the one who's been hurt so much, please..”

“Let’s tell the others first, Tony can get JARVIS to access the cameras. It’ll be easier than hunting this way.”

Tamara reluctantly went with Sam to the private room where the others were drinking and goofing off. Tamara took an empty seat and grabbed a cup of juice while she waited. Sam tapped Tony on the shoulder and whispered something to him that made Tony look over at her. He pulled out a tablet and studied it, then swore loudly.

“Dammit.”

“What’s up Tony, we just got started?”

“JARVIS, replay the video for them.”

The huge screen on the wall that normally was used for karaoke was now showing Tamara’s confrontation with the drunks. Only the fact that she appeared to be fine kept them watching the video. Everyone saw the man who intervened and how easily he had put down one man. Tasha and Clint also noticed that he seemed very aware of the location of cameras and never allowed his face to be seen clearly. The camera was too far away for audio but they could see Tamara say something to him. And the surprise that registered on her face before he walked off dragging the drunk behind him.

“What happened?”

“He just punched the one guy but he didn’t say anything to me, just started to drag him off. After I said thank you, that when he said it.”

“Said what?”

“My words, the last one, I think he’s the last one. He’s got to be the one that’s been wanting to die, I’ve got to find him so he knows he’s not alone anymore. I need to know if I said his words too.”

“Sir, I found a possible match two blocks away, the clothing matches but the subject is careful to keep his face concealed.”

“I saw him this morning too, at the park. He has dark hair and a beard, well more like stubble really. His eyes are pale, maybe blue or grey and he has this look in them, he’s seen so much pain.”

“J, just track him for now, we don’t want to spook him. Has anyone else left the club that matched Tam’s description?”

“One other possible subject but he was with a woman and he has not tried to hide himself from cameras.”

An image flashed on the screen revealing an man and a woman and Tamara just shook her head. “Sir, he has entered a residential area near the tower. From that location he would be able to watch the main doors of the tower easily.”

“Do you want to go after him Tam? It’s all up to you.”

“I want to but I don’t want to spook him off either. Sam, what do you think I should do? It’s obvious he’s scared of someone or something.”

“Maybe just let JARVIS keep an eye out for him. If you did say his words, the soul bond will draw him back to you. It might be best to let him come to you.”

“Do you think that will work?”

“I’ve seen it work on soldiers with PTSD; if he’s scared, then that would explain a lot of things.”.

Tamara tried to enjoy herself but her thoughts were on the man who had said her soul words, the only soulmate she had not met. Everyone could see she was worried and they could feel it through their bonds so they ended up leaving the club early. When they got back to the tower, Tamara went to her room.

“J, where is he now, do you know?”

“He was last seen on a camera at an ATM in front of this store.” An image of a small store popped up on her tablet along with a map of the area. “I am monitoring all cameras in the area, no one matching his last description has left the area that I can tell. Perhaps he lives in the area, I shall notify you of any changes.”

“Thanks J, can I see what images you did get of him?”

JARVIS sent the images to the tablet and she went over them but none of them gave a clear shot of his face.

“Hey J, based upon his proximity to me, what can we guess about him?”

“I estimate his height to be between 5’10” and 6’ with a build that is comparable to Steve’s.”

Tamara curled up under a blanket and tried to sleep, finally dozing off, never knowing how close she was to the identity of her missing soulmate.


	3. Chapter 3

Several blocks away, James sat quietly watching the tower. He didn't know who the girl was but he had seen her with Steve, she was important to him. When he saw the drunks corner her, he had never considered the possibility that she was his soulmate. He didn't deserve someone nice, he was too broken and damaged, too much of a monster and killer. She deserved someone like Steve, someone who could be trusted. Finally he went to sleep, nightmares of his time with Hydra and dreams of times with Steve; back when they were kids, before he became a monster. As the sun rose, he woke again from a nightmare of being recaptured by Hydra and he changed clothes before going outside.

He hadn't been watching the tower for weeks for nothing, he knew the girl had a routine and that sometimes she was alone and sometimes she wasn’t. He didn’t know if he’d said her words, but his words were pretty specific. What were the odds of someone else saying those exact words to him? He couldn't take the chance of something happening to her.

Heading down the street, he found a spot where he could watch the tower and he saw her come out alone this morning for her morning run. He let her go past him, then he slowly jogged after her, making sure to stay back to avoid detection but he didn’t count on Tamara’s bond with Toi.

“J, is anyone else out this morning? I think I have a tail.”

“I shall notify the others immediately. Sam states it is possibly the man from last night, do you wish them to intercede?”

“Ask them to stay back in case it is him but I may cut my run short.”

“Sam and Clint are following you; Steve states you should continue your usual route, he will intercept from the other direction; I am monitoring you on cameras.”

Tamara got more nervous as she ran and she slowed when she reached a wooded area of the park. The news had been reporting increased attacks on joggers in the early morning in that area and she began to rethink the wisdom of going running alone when three men stepped from the bushes, guns pointed at her.

“We got us a pretty little thing this time, come here baby, gimme a kiss.”

“I’m not going anywhere with any of you.”

Tamara tensed to run but before she could react, she was shoved aside as the guns went off. She felt something sting her side but she was more concerned about the person who had shoved her. She saw dark hair when a cap was pulled off the man, recognizing the man from the night before. He was fighting with all three men and she heard the guns go off more than once more before he put them down. She was starting to get to her feet, one hand over her side, when he turned to flee into the brush.

“Wait, please”

James was torn between the need to see if she was his soulmate and make sure that she wasn't seriously injured and the need to stay out of sight where he could secretly continue his one-man war against HYDRA. He chose to wait, to see what she would say. He could hear more people nearby but he fought the urge to run.

“Last night, you said my words. I need to know, did I say yours?” He nodded but didn't say anything else as he turned to face her but then he noticed the blood on her clothes. “Don’t go, we can help you, you don't have to be alone anymore. We won't let anyone ever hurt you again, please, let me help you.”

The girl flinched when she saw his arm, the one THEY gave him and James turned again to leave when he heard a voice behind him.

“Tam, are you OK?”

She winced and James could see the pain she was trying to hide as she stepped closer to him. “I’ll be fine Steve, tell Clint and Sam to stay back.” She refocused her attention on the man. “I promise, no one will hurt you, I think you’re my soulmate.” Tamara was almost close enough to reach him and she hoped the bond was enough to tip him over the edge. She could see Steve watching and knew he could see the blood on her side so she tried to reassure him through their bond but she never took her eyes off the dark-haired man before her. “I don't even know your name.”

“James”

She stepped closer and reached out a hand, keeping the other over her side and the blood stain that was slowly spreading under her hand. When she collapsed, he never hesitated, he just grabbed her limp body before she could hit the ground. As he held her, his flesh arm under her back, he could feel the soul bond strengthen and he didn't notice her hand moving as she reassured Steve. James looked up as the man he remembered from the bridge approached.

“Bucky? You?”

“Bucky’s gone, I’m not the man you remember. I don't know who I am anymore.”

“Please, come home with me, she needs help, you know it. We can feel it through our bond.”

“She deserves better than a killer like me for a soulmate.”

“If you run, she'll be out there with me, we'll never stop looking. I won't leave you behind again.”

James held Tamara lightly as he considered Steve's words, finally nodding. “I’ll come with you, maybe I can be James for her.”

Steve just nodded, accepting that the man he remembered was gone but at least his friend was alive. He knew JARVIS had been listening over the comms so he wasn't surprised by the green flash of Loki’s teleport. James tensed when the strange man appeared but he forced himself to relax as he walked closer.

“We need to go straight to medical Loki, all of us.”

“As you wish, Captain.” Loki placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder and another on Tamara’s limp body and suddenly they were in a room James recognized as a medical suite. He laid Tamara on the bed in the middle of the room, then stepped back as another man entered the room. Steve walked beside him and was there to steady him when he stumbled, only then noticing the darker spots on James’s clothing.

“I got ya, c'mon, sit down, let someone take a look at you.”

“Her first”

“Bruce will take care of her, let us help you. She'll be pissed at all of us if you don’t.”

James didn't say anything but he didn't object when Steve pulled a chair over beside the bed, and after only a slight hesitation, he sat down. Steve held out his hand and James removed his jacket, allowing them to see the bloody spots on his shirt. Someone else pushed a table over and he looked up, surprised to see the red-haired woman he had fought with before. She didn't say anything as she opened several packages and set down first aid supplies.

“Take your shirt off Bucky”

He glared at Steve who recognized his error, “I’m sorry, take off your shirt James, please.”

James removed his shirt, revealing the bandage on his right shoulder, a graze along his left rib cage and a fresh gunshot in his right arm. His metal arm had several places that looked as though he had used it to protect himself from additional gunshots. Steve had to force himself not to stare at the arm and where it joined James’s body but he was curious.

“Will you let Tasha help me?”

James didn't offer any objections when Tasha began to clean the gunshot on his side. Steve cleaned the gunshot on his arm and wrapped it but James never complained. When they were done, Tasha started to put the supplies away but Steve noticed fresh blood on the floor. “Where else are you hurt?”

James stood and unbuckled his belt, then let his pants slide down to reveal another gunshot in his right thigh. He sat down with no concern for modesty and allowed Steve to clean to clean the injury and bandage it, then he stood and refastened his pants. Tasha glanced up at Steve to see his concern that his friend had so easily made himself vulnerable in a strange place. 

By then, Bruce had finished cleaning the wound in Tamara’s side and she was trying to sit up. With a small nod to Steve, Bruce and Tasha took away the supplies and left the room. James sat quietly, unsure of himself and his situation now that Tamara had been tended. Steve helped her down from the bed and she walked over to James, then reached a hand out to him. “Will you come with me James?”

James slowly took her hand and allowed her to lead him from the room to an elevator with Steve following behind. After a short ride, the elevator door opened onto a large room. Tamara kept a hold of James’s hand as she led him from the elevator. He noticed that one side of the room appeared to be a kitchen while another wall opened onto a large balcony. She led him to a couch and sat down, tugging his hand to encourage him to join her. Steve sat in a chair near them but he remained quiet although he had a thousand questions he wanted to ask.

As close as he was to her, Steve could feel Tamara though their soul bond. She was anxious and concerned and in pain but he could also feel the acceptance she had for Bucky. He trusted her to know how to handle him so he was content to just wait and see what happened. Tamara pulled James closer and leaned against him, forcing him to sit all the way against the back of the couch. James was tense but he didn't try to escape and he let his flesh arm rest against Tamara’s side. Tamara sighed in contentment and closed her eyes, then slipped one arm around his waist before relaxing and drifting off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

“Are you hungry? You'll probably be there a while, unless you want to wake her.”

James didn't say anything but Steve was patient, he could wait as long as he needed, now that he was this close to his best friend again. He heard a chirrup down the hall and looked to see Toi walking his way. She stopped and sniffed the air, then paced slowly into the room. James tensed when he saw the huge cat come down the hall into the main room. Toi walked over to Steve and head butted him and he scratched her ears before she turned her attention to the new person in the room. She stared at him for a few seconds before going to lie near the elevator. James watched her and Steve could see him tense up even more.

“Toi won't hurt you, as long as you don’t try to hurt Tamara.” Toi chirruped at Steve again and he got to his feet, making his way into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and began to pull things out onto the counter, then grabbed a loaf of bread. He fixed a stack of sandwiches and brought them into the main room, setting the plates down on the table before going back for two glasses of water. Toi got up from her place and went to lie by Steve’s feet, nudging at him until he set down a plate with a sandwich for her to eat.

James watched Steve interact with the cat, secretly amazed that they apparently had a pet tiger or something. Steve must have had some idea of what he was thinking because he spoke as he was stroking the big cat. “She’s not a tiger or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking, she’s not even from Earth. She’s from Asgard and she belongs with Tamara. Don't make the mistake of thinking she’s an animal either, she’s smarter than some people I've met and she can understand everything we say.”

Steve pushed the plate of sandwiches closer to James. “You need to eat, you’re safe again. Hydra can’t get to you here.”

“It’s not Hydra I’m afraid of.”

“Buck, James, you may not remember who you were but I do. The man I knew would be happy to have a soulmate like her and I know he'd never hurt her. I know you won't be exactly the same as you used to be, but some things don't change. I don't think Hydra could completely change you, that’s why they had to brainwash you. Neither is us are who we used to be, but we can still be friends.”

“I lost your mark, I started to believe I was just a machine after all.”

“When I woke up, your mark was gone. In it’s place was a new mark and I had no idea how old the new person would be. All I knew was that they'd be in trouble when I found them.” He pulled his shirt up to reveal Tamara’s writing on his ribs. “She'd been shot in the back, bullet clipped her spine and swelling caused paralysis. We didn’t know if it'd be permanent or not.”

“Tell me more about her.”

“She’s stronger than she looks, she’s only 19 now but she’s been through so much. She had a twin but they died when Tamara was around 8 or so, then she lost both her parents and her grandparents as well. Ended up in foster care and was abused so she ran away and ended up on the streets. That’s where she found Clint, he was the first of us she met.”

Steve’s choice of words caught James’s attention. “The first?”

“She’s a special person, Bucky.”

“Don't call me that, I can’t be him, not yet, maybe never.”

“I’m sorry, I'll try to remember. Please, give us a chance, stay here with us.”

“You said she’s your soulmate as well. Are we a triad?”

Steve smiled, “No, I don’t know if she even has a romantic match. She shares marks with all of us, platonic matches for sure with part of the team. That she shares a mark with you is reason enough for the rest of the team to accept you staying here. Wait, what do you mean, are we a triad? Do you have new words from me?”

James pulled up his pants leg to reveal the single word ‘Bucky?’. “I found it after we fought, it helped me remember who I was. That’s your writing, isn't it?”

“Yeah, then maybe this is your’s near Tamara’s.” Steve moved closer and James looked at Tamara’s mark more closely, recognizing his writing just below it and he nodded at Steve. Steve saw that he wasn't even trying to eat and he frowned. “You should really eat, she can be kinda pushy about us taking care of ourselves.”

James flexed his metal hand and Steve noticed it didn't seem to move very well. “It’s damaged, the techs are gone.”

“Tony could probably fix it, if you let him look at it.”

James shook his head, “I can’t”

“He knows, and he doesn't blame you. You were being controlled, it wasn’t really you that killed his parents.”

James was quiet as he processed this information. “They wanted him dead too, at first. I took them information on him instead, surveillance. They decided he was worth more alive, they made a deal with someone in the company. They were telling them where to sell weapons to start wars.”

“Stane”

“Don't know, never met them. But I was given prototype weapons that the company developed. I got nothing new after 2009, I guess their contact was dead or gone.”

“Stane ran the company after Tony’s parents died, he was dealing weapons to both sides. He tried to have Tony killed and that’s when Tony created Iron Man. Stane tried to kill Tony to take control of the suits and Tony had to kill him.”

Steve and James talked for over an hour as Tamara slept. Steve tried to find out more about what had happened to his friend but he withdrew and became quiet so he quit poking. Instead, he told him about Tamara and the team and what he had been doing since he was found. Tamara shifted and turned over so she was facing Steve and stretched. “I'm starved.”

A British voice was heard from the ceiling, “I took the liberty of ordering a meal for you when I detected you beginning to awaken. It has arrived and is on the way up.”

“Thanks J, just me or everyone?”

“Based upon your usual habits, I felt you would prefer to dine on your own floor tonight. I did not know what your guest might like so I ordered a variety of foods.”

Toi began to purr and she shoved her head against Tamara, forcing her further back against James and he tensed. Tamara pushed the cat back and playfully swatted her as the elevator arrived. Security pushed two carts laden with food out of the elevator and into the hall and the doors closed.

Steve pulled the carts over and began to open containers. “JARVIS wasn't kidding, it looks like we have some of everything here.” He grabbed a whole chicken and showed it to Toi who licked her chops before crouching down at his feet. He laid the chicken down and she began to eat, the sounds of bones crunching softly.

Tamara grabbed a pizza and took a slice, then pushed the box towards James. “You need to eat and so do I, I’m not eating anything until I see you eating as well.”

James looked at Steve who grinned sheepishly, “Don't look at me, I tried to skip a meal after a battle and she threatened to force feed me. It’s easiest to just give in, she’s only doing it because she cares.”

James picked up the slice and took a bite, his metal arm grinding at times. Tamara continued to select different foods and she always waited until he got something before she ate anything herself.

Steve didn't eat as much variety as either of them and he disappeared to his room before they were done eating. When he returned, he had a bundle in his hands. “We’re about the same size now, you can wear these until we get you more clothes.”

“He can have the room next to mine.”

Steve nodded, “My room is across the hall from Tamara’s. The room beside mine is a spare as well, it’s your choice which room you take but we both want you to stay with us. I’ll show you where the bathroom is and you can get a shower and change.”

James followed Steve from the room and in a few minutes the sound of the shower could be heard. Tamara made her way down the hall to where Steve stood outside the bathroom door and took his hand, tugging him back into the main room. He didn't resist when she guided him to the couch and sat down, pulling him down as well. He was tense, worry about how well Bucky could adjust filling his thoughts. He knew Tamara could sense his worry so he tried to relax but didn't succeed until she curled up beside him, offering silent support. With a soft sigh, he stretched one arm out to allow her to curl up at his side, then he draped it across her back and simply held her, grounding himself in their bond. By the time the shower stopped, he was feeling better and he released her so she could join James.

Knowing she would be safe with Toi present, he gave her hand a quick squeeze and headed for the elevator to fill in the rest of the team. He found them waiting in the media room as he expected and he told them what little they had learned and told JARVIS he could share the video from earlier. He had known when he brought Bucky back that JARVIS would be recording but he also knew that JARVIS would not share the video unless Steve gave permission. Steve saw the surprise in Tony’s face when he realized that HYDRA had never intended him to survive after his parents died. Tony confirmed he was willing to look at the arm and see if he could repair it and Steve headed back to his own floor, relief filling him that the team was willing to give Bucky a chance.

He found Tamara in the hall, standing in the door of the bedroom beside Steve’s. He stood behind her and she leaned back into him as he wrapped his arms around her.”You OK?”

“He’s hurting so bad, he’s scared, afraid of hurting us. He made me promise to sleep with a gun. I can't do that Steve, I can’t hurt him.”

Steve sighed, “I can't either, not now. He’s not the Bucky I remember but he’s not the Winter Soldier either.”

“What’d the others say?”

“JARVIS will be on higher alert on the restricted floors but as long as he doesn't try anything, he’ll just monitor him like he monitors the rest of us. Some floors he will be locked out of, others he’ll be permitted access as long as one of us is with him. He can use this floor, the gym and training areas and the common floor freely; basically the same restrictions as anyone else new. Pepper thinks it might be wise if he stays in the tower until the bond is more stable.”

“I agree, he needs us and we can help him best without outside distractions.”

“You should get some rest, I don't think he’s going to run tonight.” Steve released her and Tamara stepped away, stopping at her own door.

“Get some sleep yourself, we have to trust him to trust us."


	5. Chapter 5

Tamara tried to sleep but it was hard, concern for both Steve and Bucky filling her thoughts. Toi climbed in the bed and shoved her head under Tamara’s arm and she finally drifted off to sleep to the sound of contented purring. Early in the morning, she woke disoriented and with her heart racing; without thinking, she left her room and made her way to James’s room where she found him curled into himself, buried under the blanket. She couldn’t understand what he was saying but it sounded like he was begging. Making a quick decision, she climbed onto the bed and stretched out beside him.

She began to softly stroke his arm and he became quiet and tense. She felt more than heard Steve enter the room and she looked up into his concerned eyes. He sat down on the other side of the bed and laid one hand across James’s back and he relaxed slightly. Tamara pulled the blanket away from James to give him room to move and then she laid back down beside him on her side. After a few minutes, she felt him roll over and he gently laid his flesh arm across her side. She pushed back, bringing them closer and he relaxed. Now that he was calm again, Steve started to leave the room.

“Don’t go”

“Do you really want me to stay?”

“I don’t want to hurt her.”

Steve could see that James was serious so he pulled a chair over beside the bed and sat down where he could see both of them. Tamara reached one hand out and laid it on the bed where Steve could reach it. It didn’t take long for Steve to move the chair closer and take hold of Tamara’s hand. This seemed to reassure James because he closed his eyes and drifted back into a restless sleep. Steve made himself as comfortable as possible in the chair and closed his eyes once he was sure James was again asleep. Tamara could feel the tension in both of them through their bonds and she tried to project acceptance and reassurance to both of them. As she felt the tension and fear easing in the bond, she closed her eyes and went back to sleep herself.

Several hours later Tamara woke again, this time to the sound of JARVIS calling her name. “I’m up J, where’s Steve?”

“He went to get more clothes for your guest. The others wish to know if you will be joining them for breakfast. Steve is agreeable to the idea.”

“Let me see how James is doing this morning and then we’ll decide. Meeting everyone at once may be a bit much for him to handle.”

A muffled “this feels nice” came from behind her as Steve entered the room with some clothes. 

“Tam cuddles with everybody, you’ll have to get used to sharing; she always knows when we need the comfort of another person. I brought you some more clothes, you can get dressed while Tam changes. The others would like to meet you but if you want to take it slow, we can have breakfast here and you can meet them individually later.”

James didn’t say anything as he stripped off the t-shirt he’d slept in, then quickly changed into the sweat pants Steve offered him. When he reached for the fresh shirt Steve held he nodded, “I can try”. 

Now that he was mostly dressed, he followed Steve from the room where they met Tamara in the hallway. James had noticed that Steve was dressed in sweatpants and t-shirt but he was a bit surprised to see Tamara exit her room dressed in a similar manner. They took the elevator up to the main community level where the others waited. For this first encounter, they were not eating in the kitchen, instead platters of food were set out on the counter for a buffet-style breakfast. 

Steve entered the room first and fixed a plate for himself, then found an empty seat. James had stayed in the back of the elevator so Tamara took his hand and drew him towards the kitchen. She fixed them both a plate as he watched the room where the rest of the Avengers were already eating. Steve had taken a seat on a large couch a little away from the rest of the team, leaving room for James and Tamara. James reluctantly followed Tamara as she walked over, taking the seat in the middle as Tamara sat on the end. 

Tamara noticed that Tony wasn’t up yet and for that she was grateful. Sam, Tasha and Clint were near the balcony eating and they nodded at her but stayed where they were. Thor and Loki were eating out on the balcony, just like they always did when the weather was nice. Bruce was the only one close to the trio and he was still half-asleep as he drank a cup of hot tea. Once he realized that the others weren’t going to swamp him with questions, James began to enjoy his breakfast. Steve had finished his breakfast and was waiting for Tamara and James when Tony stepped off the elevator.

James tensed up and stopped eating but Tamara just let her hand rest on his leg. Tony grabbed a large cup of coffee and fixed a plate, then slumped down beside Bruce, never giving the others a second glance. After several minutes, James resumed eating but he kept turning his attention to Tony. When Tamara finished her breakfast, James followed her back to the kitchen even though he wasn’t finished. Tamara returned to the main room and nodded at Tony when he looked up, then headed for the elevator with James staying close to her.

Steve stayed with the rest of the team, trusting Tamara to know how to handle James. Once the elevator closed, the others moved to join Steve and Tony. They spent the next hour discussing James and how they could help him recover. Both Clint and Loki were willing to talk to him and share their own experiences with being controlled. Tasha was familiar with Red Room programming and she cautioned them that he could have triggers hidden deep within his psyche to reactivate the Winter Soldier. Tony had already forgiven him for the deaths of Howard and Maria but he was also willing to extend his friendship. 

Meanwhile, Tamara had taken Bucky down to the gym. She pulled out tape and wrapped her hands, then set the tape aside. He followed her to one corner of the room where several wooden training dummies and a couple of mats were located. Tamara moved to one mat and began to work through her tai chi routine, using the well practiced moves as a way to center herself and focus. James could feel her emotions through the soulbond and as her tension eased, so did his as well. Once she completed her exercises, she moved to the practice dummies and began to work out, striking hard and fast. James had thought she was vulnerable in the club but now he realized she was better able to protect herself than he knew. 

Tamara could feel him watching her so when she took a break, she sat down on the floor. “Sit with me, please?”

James slowly sat down but kept himself a little away from Tamara.

“So, I know a lot about who you used to be. But I want to know who you are now, wanna talk about it?”

“I’m just a killer, I don’t deserve a soulmate.”

“James, I believe everyone deserves a soulmate. I think soulmates are fate's way of making us into better people. Some people need a reason to improve and a soulmate can provide that reason. A soulmate can help people heal from horrible things.”

“So I get people who can help me, what do you and Stevie get out of this?”

“Steve gets the man he considers his brother back; think about it, you were soulmates before HYDRA and even though you’ve both changed, you’re still soulmates. That’s got to mean something.”

“So what about you, what’s this to you?”

“Me? I was alone for years and sometimes the only thing that kept me going was knowing I had soulmates I hadn't met. I’ve got a family again, I’m not alone anymore.” Tamara finished her bottle of water and set it aside. “Spar with me?”

James shook his head firmly. “No, I don’t want to risk hurting you.”

“I honestly don’t think you can, I don’t think the bond would let you. Your bond with Steve stopped you from killing him right?” James nodded. “I think our bond would stop you from hurting me, especially since I don’t look like a threat to you.”

“I can’t, what if you’re wrong?”

“I’m a lot tougher than you think. You can’t do anything to me that’s worse than what I’ve already survived.”

James stood and walked away when Tamara stood. She didn’t try to stop him but she didn’t know how to convince him she was safe with him around. It was only as she reluctantly started for the heavy bag hanging from the ceiling that she got an idea.


	6. Chapter 6

“JARVIS, see if Loki is free to join us. And lock the gym to soulmates only please.”

As she started to strip, there was a brief flash that let her know that Loki had joined her. “Do you plan to seduce him?”

Tamara didn’t stop but she did reply, “No, but he’s afraid of hurting me. Maybe if he sees what I’ve already survived, it’ll help reassure him that I’ll be fine.”

Loki snorted, “Not likely, he seems to be more stubborn than Thor. But if that fails, mayhap I can offer some assistance?”

Tamara just nodded as she started to walk over to James wearing nothing but her underwear and sports bra. She knew Loki had no problem sparring with her and not holding back. Since he had been responsible for some of the changes to her, he knew better than most what she could handle. When she reached James, she put her hand on his right arm so he didn’t startle as she walked around to stand in front of him virtually naked. When he saw her, he averted his eyes quickly, staring down at the floor. 

“James, look at me.”

“You’re naked, why?”

“So you can see that I know what I’m talking about when I say I can survive anything you might do to me.” 

She took his flesh hand and pulled it up from his side, bringing it to rest against her right hip. James was surprised when the skin didn’t feel as smooth as he expected. Instead, he found her side was covered in scars that in some cases, overlapped each other like a road map. He couldn’t help but trace the scars and he wondered what happened to mar her body. She turned slightly, allowing his hand to continue to follow the scars that wrapped around her back. He allowed himself to look at her, to see the scars that littered her body like abstract art. “What happened to you?”

Loki had walked over to join them and James tensed as he passed but Loki ignored him to hand Tamara her clothes back. She slipped the sweat pants back on, then sat down against the wall. “It’s a very long story but it’s probably not what you think. Do you know the difference between a mutant and a mutate?”

When James didn’t respond, Tamara continued. “A mutant is X-gene positive while a mutate is changed by an outside influence. Technically, because of whatever Hydra did to you, you’re a mutate, just like Steve and Bruce. Then you have aliens like Thor and Loki; some of these aliens mated with mortals here and their children inherited their DNA. Over the centuries, that DNA has been diluted but it can still show and make people who seem to be mutants but they aren’t X-gene positive. That’s part of what I am; the rest is far more complicated. Suffice to say that on one occasion, I was poisoned through magic and Loki used a spell to save me that swapped a portion of my essence with Thor’s. It added his DNA to my own and I became a little more like Thor. I heal faster because of it but I also have a higher metabolism as well.” She didn’t mention to him the time she’d received blood from Steve or that the serum in his blood had altered her DNA as well. “I’ve always known I was different, because of the number of soulmarks. I had a twin sister who had a single soulmark; we were in a serious accident and she died. Because of our bond, I felt not only my pain but hers as well. What do you know of magic?”

“I was made to work for magicians before, Hydra had a couple. Didn’t trust them.”

“You are wise not to, many magicians are nothing but charlatans. They use misdirection to fool the gullible into giving them what they want.”

“Loki’s right, most magicians are fake. But there are exceptions and they prefer not to be called magicians. I know two people capable of performing real magic; Loki and Dr. Strange. There are other people out there who can do things that people might call magic, like teleporting but that’s not the important thing right now. Back when Asgardians still visited us hundreds of years ago, certain women were given a great gift, the ability to heal. Over the years, most of those bloodlines have died out or now only have male survivors.”

“As far as we can tell, Tamara is the only person capable of using this gift. Should she ever bear children, the gift will continue but only a female will be able to heal, a male child will only carry the gift.”

“You shouldn’t be telling me this, what if Hydra finds me? They’ll want you for their experiments.”

“James, how much do you actually know about soulbonds?”

“I remember from before, and I’ve been reading.”

“Did you read how soulmates can feel each other and communicate through a bond? Before you were taken, scientists thought that bonding that deep had to be sexual and so could only be reached by romantic bonds. Now they know that it is possible for platonic soulmates to develop the same deep bond without requiring sex. The depth of my bond with my soulmates varies with each person but because I have so many, I’m not worried about someone trying to kidnap me. My bond with Thor is very strong, probably because of the magic Loki used on us. Reach out to us and you’ll feel Steve and I, that bond reminds us we’re not alone.”

“I can’t, I hurt Steve; why can’t you see I’m dangerous?”

Tamara didn’t say anything but she stood and headed for the mats they used for sparring. She knew what Loki’s offer of help entailed and she waited for him to join her. Living around the tower, he had taken to dressing like a normal human but he slipped his shoes off before joining her on the mat. She waited for him to make the first move and he circled her like a cat toying with a mouse. She expected him to strike when he was behind her but instead he waited until he was back to her side, striking out hard and fast with a dagger in his hand. Tamara struck back knowing the purpose of this exercise was for her to prevent him reaching her with the dagger and knowing his control and magic was great enough that he’d only leave a scratch to mark his hits. She was distracted by a roar of anger from James as he launched himself at Loki’s back.

Tamara stumbled away to see James attacking Loki like a mindless animal. Loki was striking back but he was hampered because he was trying not to hurt James. Tamara watched for an opening and when Loki teleported away, she grabbed for James as he tried to find his target. James wrapped his flesh arm her waist in a tight grip and pulled her closer to him. Loki created several clones and they were advancing on James who pushed Tamara behind him towards a corner. She tried to reach him through the bond but was unable to get past his rage and fear. Knowing her bond with Thor was the strongest, she reached out to him in desperation. It was only a few minutes later that everyone else burst through the doors of the gym to see James in the corner surrounded by clones.

Tasha and Clint took one look at the scene and ushered everyone back out of sight.

“He’s snapped”

Tasha shook her head, “Yes and no, I think it is like when I joined SHIELD. Sometimes things would trigger memories and I would lash out, unable to remember why I was there. Clint and Coulson were always able to reach me but sometimes it took hours before I remembered I was no longer just a killer.”

“I think Tash is right, something made him snap but he looks to be protecting Tam. If he wanted to hurt her, she’d be dead already.”

“J, what were they doing before he snapped?”

“Tamara had a discussion with him about soulbonds and how she believed he would not hurt her. When she began to spar with Loki instead, James attacked him.”

“The bond must be too new, he can’t rationalize right now, not on top of everything else. Steve’s probably the only one who would be safe with him. We need to clear the halls and give them a safe way back to their rooms. Once she’s in a secure location, he should start calming down.”

“Are you sure Bruce?”

“I’m not positive but Hulk was the same way with Betty. He thought she was in danger once and took her and ran off to the middle of nowhere to keep her safe. James seems to be acting on the same kind of instinct.”

Steve just nodded and headed back into the gym. As he approached the trio in the corner, Loki allowed the clones to vanish but he remained ready to use his magic, gold light glowing dimly around his hands. Steve tried to reach James through their bond but it was still too weak, too new, to do more than get a general sense of what he was feeling. Tamara was easier to read and he could feel her relief. He hoped she would follow his lead when he stepped between them and Loki. “Ma’am, your quarters are ready. Are you through with your workout?”

Tamara’s hands were clenched but she relaxed slightly as she replied. “Yes, thank you Captain, if you’ll escort me to them?” 

Without giving James a second look, Steve turned to escort them out. “Soldier, rear guard.” He could feel Tamara’s distress when James stepped in behind her without a word. The hall was clear back to the elevator and Steve pushed the button for their floor. When they exited the elevator, James took up a position where he could see the elevator and watch Tamara as she walked further into the suite.

Tamara went to her own room and started the shower, knowing it would block some of the sound from her room. They still had no idea how James was enhanced but she knew Steve’s hearing was better than average and she didn’t want to risk James hearing her talk to the others. In just a few minutes, Bruce had filled her in on what he thought was going on while Tasha and Clint had chipped in based upon Tasha’s own programming. Tamara took a quick shower, then changed into shorts and a tank top before leaving her room.

She found Steve in the kitchen feeding Toi and he handed her a glass of water when she limped over. Some days the scar tissue in her right knee refused to cooperate and she was unable to hide her limp. Steve frowned slightly then guided her over to the couch where he pulled an ottoman over and propped her leg up. James remained in his spot but he continued to track every move Tamara made. 

“How’s your friend doing Captain?”

“The same but I’m sure he’ll be fine in time. For now, how’s your knee?”

“Stiff”

“Here, you sit, want me to order dinner?”

“No, I planned to cook tonight but I’ll need help if you don’t mind.”

“OK, what do you need?”

“Tell our hosts I’ll be staying in my quarters tonight. As for supper, I ordered everything I need this morning. When it arrives, could you brown the beef for me?”

“Sure, you just rest until then.”

With one last glance at James, Tamara moved her sore knee and stretched out on the couch. She grabbed a book from the table beside her and began to read. Steve moved to his easel and set it up, then set out his sketching supplies. Toi was curled up on the balcony in the sun and he began to sketch the scene. Some time later, he noticed that Tamara had dozed off so he got up and gently took her book. He marked her place and laid the book back on the table before covering her with a light blanket.


	7. Chapter 7

It was a couple of hours later when JARVIS notified Steve that Tamara’s delivery had arrived. Steve took everything to the kitchen from the elevator and put away everything except the beef. He didn’t know how long Tamara would sleep but he decided to go ahead and brown the meat as she had requested. He continued to listen for James and was relieved when he moved to a position closer to Tamara and seemed to relax slightly. By the time Steve finished with the hamburger, James seemed to be returning to what counted as normal for now.

“What happened?”

Steve didn’t reply directly to James, instead he spoke to JARVIS. “JARVIS, turn the TV on and play the video for James please.”

James watched the video from the gym without saying a word, then turned and studied Tamara as she still lay sleeping. “She reminds me of you. I remember you taking on people who could easily whip your ass but you did it anyways.”

“At least now I can actually protect people instead of just making a statement. She’s the same way, can’t stand bullies. She may be young but not all those scars are from when she was young. She helped fight against street gangs before she came to live with us.”

James came to join Steve in the kitchen but he stood where he could watch Tamara. He watched Steve cook for a few minutes, then went to the refrigerator and opened it, studying the contents. He set salad supplies on the counter and looked for a knife to slice the vegetables. 

Steve gestured towards the knife block on the counter. “Use that plastic one, keeps the lettuce from turning brown.”

James didn’t say anything but he took the knife and sliced the vegetables, then put them into bowls to go back in the fridge. When he finished, he looked around for something else to do.

“There’s bacon in the fridge, brown it for me real quick, I always make it too crispy for this.”

James found the bacon and browned it but he watched as Steve dumped the ground beef into a bowl and added a few spices and some kind of sauce. When he dumped it into a casserole dish, he grew curious about what Steve was making but he didn’t say anything. Steve took the bacon when it was done and layered it on top of the beef before spreading cheese over the top. On top of all this, he poured some kind of mixture from another bowl before sticking it in the warm oven.

He went back into the living room and checked on Tamara but she continued to sleep. He rearranged the blanket before coming back into the kitchen. 

“Is she OK?”

“Yeah, she just needs some rest.”

“It’s my fault, isn’t it?”

“What? No, why would you think that?”

“I didn’t sleep well, I know she came in when I had a nightmare. She makes me feel like everything is gonna be OK again.”

“She has that effect on people, and it will get better, just give it time. It’s only been a day, and you already seem more relaxed. And it’s not your fault, she hasn’t been sleeping well for a few days; we’ve all been stressed and she always sleeps more when she’s hurt anyways.”

“Why do you let her fight? I can tell you care about her. Hell, I just met her and I don’t want her to fight. She’s not like us..” James clenched his fist, the metal one and Steve could hear the gears grinding even though he wasn’t looking at him.

“Do you remember when we were kids?”

“A little, just flashes that I can’t place, nothing clear. Why?”

“Do you remember how we met?”

“I remember a little girl crying and you fighting with someone. You were protecting the girl, who was she?”

Steve couldn’t hide the pain he felt that Bucky didn’t remember who the girl was. “It was Rebecca, your sister.” he said softly.

James just stood there without saying anything for several minutes but when he did finally speak again, he couldn’t hide the despair in his voice. “I had a sister?”

Steve left the room and returned a few minutes later with a photo album which he handed to James. James opened it to find old photos and drawings carefully stored. “We couldn’t afford pictures much, just special occasions.”

James flipped the pages, studying the pictures and then flipped back and forth between two pages. “What happened to the other two kids?” He pointed to a picture showing a couple and 3 small children, then flipped to a different picture showing an older boy with the couple while the woman held a baby in her arms.

Steve sighed, “Those were your brothers. You were the oldest and Rebecca is the baby in the second picture. The twins were born about a year and a half after you but they died in 1920 from diphtheria, Rebecca was born in 1924.”

James took the book and sat down at the table, flipping quietly through the pages for several minutes. When he finally spoke again, his voice cracked with emotion “What happened to her?”

Steve joined him at the table and gently took the album, flipping it quickly to the middle and showed the pictures to James. “Your dad went to a CCC camp in 1931 and died in an accident. Your mom died a few years later and you tried to care for Becca. We shared a place, you and me sleeping in one room and Becca had the other. It was hard but we managed, she finished school right before you shipped out with the 107th.” Steve turned a few more pages to newer pictures. “When I got selected by Erskine, she moved in with one of the older ladies in the neighborhood whose grandson was drafted. She was devastated when I wrote her about..” Steve stopped for a few seconds before continuing. “Howard Stark arranged a funeral and she buried an empty casket. He promised to make sure she was taken care of and he did. He gave her a job in his company and she retired as a manager, one of the first women managers around. She never married, but she shared a place with a couple other ladies and they took in a kids off the streets to raise, never officially adopted any though.”

“Is she….”

“She passed away peacefully last year. I got to see her a few times before and she was happy, she had a good life.”

James got up and left the room, leaving the album on the table. Before Steve could follow him though, he saw Toi take off after him. James went to his room but left the door open slightly in case Steve came looking for him. He was surprised when Tamara’s cat slipped in the room and sat down in front of him, staring at him patiently. James was trying to hold back his feelings but seeing those pictures had broken him. He didn’t remember things clearly but he could remember swinging a little girl onto his back and carrying her around. He remembered reading to her at night and helping her with homework. He knew deep down he had adored her and it hurt that he didn’t know her now. He had his head bowed, arms wrapped around his knees as he breathed deeply, trying not to let his emotions show. He was startled when he felt something soft push between his legs and he looked down to see the cat. It pushed at his arms until he relaxed and stretched out, then it climbed into his lap and began to purr, licking his right hand as it did. Slowly he began to relax more, calmed by the rhythmic purring which didn’t stop even when he wrapped his metal fist into the fur.

When supper was almost ready, Steve woke Tamara and then went to get James. It didn’t surprise him to find Toi sprawled across his lap, her face buried in his chest as she purred. This wasn’t the first time Toi had gone to someone who was upset, it seemed she took after Tamara in that regard. When Steve opened the door, Toi slowed her purring and nudged James before climbing off his lap and leaving the room. James followed Steve back into the kitchen to find Tamara already putting food on plates. He sat down and waited for Steve to start eating before he tried anything but soon he found he had devoured everything on his plate. When they finished supper, he helped as Tamara and Steve washed the dishes before selecting a movie. Steve took a seat on one end of the couch while Tamara sat on the other end, leaving room for him in the middle. By the time the movie was over, they had shifted around so that Tamara was stretched out across both their laps and dozing softly. 

Steve shifted her off his lap so he could get up, then he picked her up without waking her and carried her to her room. James followed and went to his room across the hall but left the door open. As he heard Steve going to bed, he slipped into his bed, realizing that just maybe, he could become at least close to the man he used to be.


End file.
